The Art of Being Human

I wasn't entirely surprised when my fourth graders nutted up on me.  It was that time of year. Spring Break was a memory and summer vacation was a dream. My students forgot how to do everything, line up, put their name on their papers, what a verb was, and don't even get me started on fractions. My dearest, sweetest students became surly and defiant. And talking back was apparently a new indoor sport. I didn't help. I did everything wrong. I was a perfect example of what not to do. I chastised, reprimanded, called parents and passed out stickers and candy like a demented Mr. Candy Man.  Then I nutted up with them. Room 17 was not a fun place to be. I broke my hard and fast rule about what to do when things go south. Don't do the same thing harder, do something new. In the middle of a what-the-hell-am-I-going-to-do moment I remembered a story about the king and queen of heaven. It teased the edges of my consciousness and although I didn't think it had anything ...

 I’m a big believer in jumping in where angels fear to tread.  Right a wrong, take stand, do something!  A few months ago I was ready to take a stand about a situation I saw unfolding.  I did what I always do, prayed and sat in silence listening for a deeper wisdom to pierce my blindness. The problem was that when my inner guidance came it was not what I expected.   Day after day, it came loud and strong, ‘stand down, do nothing.’ What the hell?  The not so distant past has taught me the value of trusting my inner knowing even when it goes against my nature as it often seems to do.  Heartbreak and hard times teach their lessons well. I reluctantly did nothing. I made a deliberate choice every day to trust the unfolding of what was yet to be.  That’s faith for you.  I don’t always like it or do it well.  I wish I did, but I am who I am.   Did I mention that I did nothing reluctantly? I called my friend Florie to get a seco...

  The last time I paddled the Tellico River in Tennessee it was cold and rainy. The river level kept rising until it was right at my ceiling. The last drop is an easy one, but just to make sure I had the right line I pulled into an eddy to regroup. That's a novel idea these day, taking time to regroup. For as long as I can remember I've always known when it was time to eddy out. I've known when to stop and stand still, to listen for the silence where my inner wisdom is found.  Before I started paddling I called it going to ground.  I've learned the hard way that pushing forward just for the sake of it can result in chaos. It leads to labeling people as right and wrong, quickly followed by defending your position at all costs.  Taking time out gives you space to take another look at your intentions and refocus your efforts.  Do I know where I want to go?  Will what I'm doing get me there?  Is this the line I w...

cover art I have spent the week hanging out, listening to hours of music, lingering in bed, seeing friends, and doing some soul searching. I've wrestled with angels this week. I've had wonderful meals, stimulating conversations, and have cried more than once.  I have seen grace and love amidst it all. I watched a toddler who had a melt down and his apologetic mother be comforted and reassured by the people in a long line at the grocery store. A man ran to the other end of the store to get a wreath when I was in line at Home Depot after he heard me say that I wish I had picked on a five dollar wreath he and his wife had in his cart. People wave at each other in my neighborhood. I heard, "Let me get that for you." "I've got that." "Thank you." There is goodness and love in my world. I don't know where I stand or what I believe about a lot of issues right now, that would be the wrestling with angels bit. I do know that we are all par...

          I read aloud to my fourth graders every afternoon to wrap up the day. This month we are reading Into the Land of the Unicorn by Bruce Coville. Cara is a young heroine who takes a literal leap of faith and lands in Luster, home of the Unicorns. Early in the story she gets into a fight for her life with a snarky creature who wants the amulet she has been entrusted with.   When she wakes up she is being healed by a unicorn who tells her that she has one wound that is harder to heal, a spiritual wound. The reason I read Into the Land of the Unicorn is for the lessons in moral courage and choice.  I’ve read that book dozens of times, but I have never noticed that particular line before today.   “You have a spiritual wound that is much harder to heal.”   Without thinking I asked, “What is a spiritual wound?” I didn't expect very much from the question. They were only fourth graders after all, average, squirmy ready for the day t...

 Several chapters ago in a long life of stories I took forever and a heart ache to end a bad relationship, mainly because the sex was so good. When I did call it quits my friends were generous with their support and their advice. Number one on their list of things to do, other than stop dating drummers, was to love myself.  I thought it was an empty feel good platitude that didn’t really mean anything; mainly because I didn’t know what it meant. I’m older now. It’s taken me that time and a few more stories to understand what it means to love your self.  It’s not what I thought. It doesn't involve 3 D cell batteries for one thing, although that may help keep you away from the odd drummer who comes calling. It also doesn't involve shoes, even though any woman worth her weight in mascara knows that you can’t go wrong with the right pair of shoes. No, loving yourself is different than self gratification, however that looks to you. Self love is one of the healthiest t...

He didn't notice me at all. He was too young for that, a tow headed baby boy tucked securely inside a bright green sling carried by his mother, his blue eyes filled with joy at the world passing by.  Delight and exhaustion, that happy mixture known only to young mothers and foolish lovers was etched across his mother’s face.  Walking along side them was a woman my age that was stunningly beautiful in a way that Madison Ave. and Hollywood have yet to recognize.  Dressed simply in jeans and a tee-shirt, her eyes full of love and a tender smile her only make up. One hand was on the small of the mother’s back and the other caressed the tow headed infant’s head in the universal symbol of cherish and protect. We smiled in recognition although we had never met and crossed the street going in opposite directions. I grinned all the way home, delighted with the blessing I had witnessed. I let the goodness of that moment fill me up until I was like a cup running over.  ...