So Long Athena, Hello Hestia



A Course in Miracles says; In my defenselessness my safety lies.    I have that on a sticky note on my lap top because it’s comforting in a paradoxical kind of way.  School starts next Thursday, I am beside myself busy. When I come up for air I feel both sad and vulnerable.
   This has been a very quiet and peaceful summer.   I’m sad to see that end. For the first time in my life I am taking steps to throttle back and create a more thoughtful and peaceful life. To say this goes against the grain is an understatement. I’ve always been one lamp shade away from a good time.  Quiet feels right though, needed as I settle into a new way of being. That’s the only way I can describe it.
    I am different and am settling into a new way of being.  I am softer, gentler around the edges. I have matured into my femininity and it feels nice as long as I just go with it and don’t think about it.  Now, there’s a concept. There’s  an unfamiliar strength in this state that is intriguing.  It’s  very different from the gunslinger, warrior strength that has been such an integral  part of my psyche for so long.  So long Athena, hello Hestia.  It makes me nervous though. I feel a little exposed and not the good kind, skinny dipping in a mountain stream, exposed.  This feels vulnerable. Where is my protection? Where is my safety?
    If I’m being honest, there have been rare times in my life when I have been able to be vulnerable. I shielded myself from feeling vulnerable with defenses that were negative in one way or another.  I didn’t know they were negative at the time, but that’s what they were. It’s either fear or love, baby and negativity sure ain’t love.  Maybe defensiveness can only ever be negative. I don’t know. I know for sure that negativity doesn’t work.  I’m being given an opportunity to experience a different kind of strength. The strength of quiet certitude and peace. My immediate reaction when I wrote that was, “Are you freakin’ kidding me!” Sometimes I’m just along for the ride in my own life. This would be one of those times. Like I said, I’m settling into a new way of being, a little more Hesita and a lot less Athena. I’ve always thought Hestia was a milquetoast. Maybe I was wrong.
  Early one morning last March during a meditation I heard God say, “Be confident in my love for you.”  I’m going with that.  I’m letting myself be loved by God. I am being confident in that love. I’m not sure what that looks like exactly but I’m betting it includes being willing not to know and being willing to trust the unfolding of my life. And I can do that.   I’m betting that when you are confident in God’s love for you that you don’t need to face the world with your dukes up. You can drop the  pretense of defense and rest in certitude and peace.  A little more Hestia, a lot less Athena.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Gift of the Ordinary

Image
    The greatest joys are in the small ordinary moments of our lives. It’s watching someone we love sleep, a cup of tea on a cold day, a thick mat when you step out of the shower. I’m finding that it takes courage to live in the fullness of these moments these days. Not because they don’t exist, but because we are bombarded with messages that tell us who we are and what we have is not enough. We are told in a hundred different ways that we don’t measure up, that the world is not safe, and something bad is just around the corner. It’s fear at its most insidious best. And I get it.  I get that we’re afraid, and I understand why. I’m not living under a rock. When I did my 90 Day No Negativity Challenge I learned one thing for sure, it’s either fear or love, baby. Fear is a soul sucking joy stealer that brings out the worst in people. We destroy our bodies and relationships, get into debt up to our eyeballs, and we test our poor children to death.  We finger poi...
Read more

Are You A Tootler?

Image
    Have I mentioned that I love my job? What other job lets you to literally touch the future? Where else do you get to read some  great books that you miss as a grown up? And let’s not forget recess, yeah, let’s hear it for recess. When was the last time you hit the playground? Eight year olds are fun to hang out with. My kids work hard and know how to have fun and they like my music! How cool is that? There are trade offs though.      You know the stocks the Puritans used? I’d bet you a dime and a smile that an eight year old came up with them.   Eight year olds have a very black and white sense of justice which translates into a whole lot of tattling.   They would sell their mother down the river and not blink an eye doing it.   I want to support their developing morality and be a model of that for them but mostly though I want the tattling to just stop ‘cause it is driving me bonkers! That’s the honest truth of it.     Now, ...
Read more

It's a Choice

Image
    Christmas is two days away.   The house is cleaned, decorated and the presents are wrapped. I’ve made brownies, six batches of Heath Bar Crisps, Potato chip cookies and I’m headed out the door to the farmer’s market to pick up the ingredients I need for   Christmas breakfast and Tim’s Ginger Cookies. You can never have too many cookies especially when you eat them with champagne for dinner.   I’m diggin’ myself and lovin’ my life. I am truly blessed.   I’ve always been blessed and deeply loved. It’s always been there even if I’ve haven’t been aware of it.  Keeping free of negativity helps me see the blessings that are in my life and there are more than I can count. Keeping free of negativity is a way of wiping mud from my eyes. It’s amazing how much goodness there is in the world when you can see clearly.      “Negativity is an addiction to the bleak shadow that lingers around every human form ... you can tra...
Read more