Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Who Could I Be?

 We human beings are interesting creatures. We look over our shoulders at what was and wonder what will be.   I don’t know about you but, when I leaned in that direction it because I was trying to figure out how I got where I was so I didn’t do it again.  In the immortal words of Captain Picard, “I’ve made some fine mistakes.” I have to be honest though; there are some mistakes that I would just as soon I’d skipped.  Drummers will seriously make you question God, yourself and the universe. And I am not exaggerating. Then there was a divorce and thinking that I could die a time or two.  Each incident brought me to my knees and made me take a hard look at who I was and how I got there. That seems to be an inevitable part of the human experience. I‘ll tell you something though, who am I is a lot more interesting a question than who was I especially as you get older. There’s a lot less angst involved for one thing. An even better question is who could I be? Who could I be if I weren’t afraid? Who could I be if I didn’t limit myself with convenient labels?  Who could I be if I released the past and let go of expectations of what I think my life should be at this point?

I’ve led a very interesting life. It’s more than a little tempting to point to the pictures on the wall and say that’s who I was and be content to declare that’s who I am. I could dance in the past the way so many of us do but, I’m curious about who I could be at this juncture of my life if I get out of the way. Don’t get me wrong now I’m still holding out for that blue eyed guitar playing cowboy from Montana who paddles a red Caption if only because it amuses me and heaven forbid that I’m not amused.  On the off chance that doesn't happen however, I’m doing my level best to keep an open mind and an untroubled spirit because while I may not know who I am let alone who I could be I think God does and I’m curious about that.  I don’t know who I am.  Do you reckon that’s what ignorance is bliss means?  Probably not.   

Revel says that I’m living the life. He means that I pretty much do what I want when I want and there’s some truth to that.  Then I remind him of the limitations of the life I’m living just to shut him up and get in the last word. I’m a woman, he’s man, do the math.  He’s right though. I am living the life, but it’s not because I do what I want when I want. There are draw backs to any life at any time. It’s all a matter of perspective. If I’m living the life it’s because I’m happy with who I am and what I have. I am enough and I have enough. That gives me confidence to be able to ask who could I be and trust that while I don’t know that answer yet I will.



1 comment:

Cathy said...

I have made my fair share of mistakes some I really wished did not happen but I guess everyone could say that. It is true with age comes wisdom! I think you hit some valid points for everyone to reflect and think about!