Just Say Yes

                                       
 Last week I went out to dinner with some friends to celebrate the beginning of summer.  What should have been an enjoyable evening wasn't.  I spent too much money on too much food that I didn't want and didn’t need. The worst was that I didn’t enjoy any of it very much.  It made me sick, literally.

Wallowing in misery led me to thinking about why I do what I do, not just with my time and who I spend it with, but with money and food. Why do I find saying no to myself so difficult?  I have a camping closet filled with stuff I use regularly and stuff that is just stuff and don’t even get me started on shoes.   I danced around with why unsuccessfully and finally decided that I didn’t really care why. I just wanted to create a different experience for myself. Now, there’s a powerful motive for you.

The next morning I felt better.  After a healthy breakfast I got dressed then went out to the mess I call a backyard and pulled up ivy, hauled dead wood, and cleared out brush.  It’s become a ridiculously therapeutic project that I look forward to several times a week. After getting hot and satisfyingly dirty for several hours I had a cup of tea and took a shower.  While I was in the shower it hit me, saying no is an act of love. That no is a yes in disguise. It’s a yes to something better.  

I was instantly aware of how many times I surrendered to a desire that stemmed from fear that I’m not enough as I am, with what I have. You know what I’m talking about. I pay for fly fishing gear to declare that I am adventuresome. I pay for a new pair of high heels that I wear once or twice to prove that I’m still youthful and stylish.  I pick up the tab for dinner to show off my generosity.  That’s just nuts.  I am enough as I am and so are you. We don’t need to prove it anymore.

People talk about loving yourself all the time. Apparently I’m a late bloomer because I’m just beginning to understand what that means. It does not mean buying another pair of stilettos that you can’t really afford and don’t need or ‘treating’ yourself to a date with Ben and Jerry. 
Loving yourself means saying no sometimes. No is a compete sentence. I got that much. A loving no is empowering. It stops you from bouncing back and forth from one desire to the next like an out of whack pinball machine.  And that’s important because it really is either fear or love, baby.  What are you saying yes to?

                                        

Comments

Catharine said…
Wonderful message. Well done!
July 3, 2012 at 12:46 PM
Catharine said…
I think I need to go back and read it again, and again and again.
July 3, 2012 at 12:47 PM
Debra said…
Thank you, Catharine. I need the message myself.
July 6, 2012 at 6:38 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Gift of the Ordinary

Image
    The greatest joys are in the small ordinary moments of our lives. It’s watching someone we love sleep, a cup of tea on a cold day, a thick mat when you step out of the shower. I’m finding that it takes courage to live in the fullness of these moments these days. Not because they don’t exist, but because we are bombarded with messages that tell us who we are and what we have is not enough. We are told in a hundred different ways that we don’t measure up, that the world is not safe, and something bad is just around the corner. It’s fear at its most insidious best. And I get it.  I get that we’re afraid, and I understand why. I’m not living under a rock. When I did my 90 Day No Negativity Challenge I learned one thing for sure, it’s either fear or love, baby. Fear is a soul sucking joy stealer that brings out the worst in people. We destroy our bodies and relationships, get into debt up to our eyeballs, and we test our poor children to death.  We finger poi...
Read more

Are You A Tootler?

Image
    Have I mentioned that I love my job? What other job lets you to literally touch the future? Where else do you get to read some  great books that you miss as a grown up? And let’s not forget recess, yeah, let’s hear it for recess. When was the last time you hit the playground? Eight year olds are fun to hang out with. My kids work hard and know how to have fun and they like my music! How cool is that? There are trade offs though.      You know the stocks the Puritans used? I’d bet you a dime and a smile that an eight year old came up with them.   Eight year olds have a very black and white sense of justice which translates into a whole lot of tattling.   They would sell their mother down the river and not blink an eye doing it.   I want to support their developing morality and be a model of that for them but mostly though I want the tattling to just stop ‘cause it is driving me bonkers! That’s the honest truth of it.     Now, ...
Read more

It's a Choice

Image
    Christmas is two days away.   The house is cleaned, decorated and the presents are wrapped. I’ve made brownies, six batches of Heath Bar Crisps, Potato chip cookies and I’m headed out the door to the farmer’s market to pick up the ingredients I need for   Christmas breakfast and Tim’s Ginger Cookies. You can never have too many cookies especially when you eat them with champagne for dinner.   I’m diggin’ myself and lovin’ my life. I am truly blessed.   I’ve always been blessed and deeply loved. It’s always been there even if I’ve haven’t been aware of it.  Keeping free of negativity helps me see the blessings that are in my life and there are more than I can count. Keeping free of negativity is a way of wiping mud from my eyes. It’s amazing how much goodness there is in the world when you can see clearly.      “Negativity is an addiction to the bleak shadow that lingers around every human form ... you can tra...
Read more