The Art of Being Human

      I took my television to the curb today.   I couldn’t resist the impulse any longer. Sometimes these urges just hit me, bam! Then I’m off and running. I don’t always understand the hot pokes that I get, however I do trust them. It’s called faith, blind faith to be sure.   You would think that they would steer me towards some profound, deep meaning of life and sometimes they do. Mostly though they point the way in the ordinary tasks that make up my life, which might be same thing and I just too dumb to know it.   I do know that my life is better when I pay attention to the silence. I listen to the urge to make an extra box of cookies and a neighbor drops by. I follow the impulse to call a friend and it turns out she needs a ride that I can give her.   I jump off the couch and run to a jam at the last minute and have a blast. Never underestimate the value of a good time. It’s the secret to my success.      The little nu...

    Christmas is two days away.   The house is cleaned, decorated and the presents are wrapped. I’ve made brownies, six batches of Heath Bar Crisps, Potato chip cookies and I’m headed out the door to the farmer’s market to pick up the ingredients I need for   Christmas breakfast and Tim’s Ginger Cookies. You can never have too many cookies especially when you eat them with champagne for dinner.   I’m diggin’ myself and lovin’ my life. I am truly blessed.   I’ve always been blessed and deeply loved. It’s always been there even if I’ve haven’t been aware of it.  Keeping free of negativity helps me see the blessings that are in my life and there are more than I can count. Keeping free of negativity is a way of wiping mud from my eyes. It’s amazing how much goodness there is in the world when you can see clearly.      “Negativity is an addiction to the bleak shadow that lingers around every human form ... you can tra...

                There is a pivotal scene in To Kill a Mockingbird when a rabid dog comes into town. Atticus Finch is the only person brave enough and skilled enough to shoot the dog that threatens the town and his family. He tells Scout, “Go on in Scout,” then he shoots the dog. Unlike Atticus I don’t always know when the dog is rabid until it’s too late.   This week I came face to face with a rabid dog, a woman whose carefully crafted illusion of self came undone by her own failure to do what was required of her.    When a person’s self image is the only self they know they become rabid when it’s threatened. They will go to any means necessary to preserve it. They will snarl and snap at whoever gets in the way.    They become fearful and filled with fear, malicious.   Words get twisted and an enemy is created where there was a friend. You can’t talk to them and you can’t reason with them, they’re cra...

The Art of Being Human: The Purpose of Being Human

The Art of Being Human: Life Without Nouns

   The primary purpose of being human is to experience love, to give love, to receive love. It is not to eat chocolate and drink red wine, chase after guitar players and dance in honky tonks, or raise holy hell and hope we don’t get caught. As enjoyable as those things may be they are not our primary purpose.  Our primary purpose of being human is to reflect the love of God and bring that love into the world. “Love and only love produces miracles.” Marianne Williamson.   First we must stop waging war against ourselves and each other with negative thoughts and language. It is not necessary. It is not unavoidable. It is a choice we make. The Cherokee legend of Two Wolves  tells the story of that inner struggle well.  Grandfather told his grandson that there was a terrible war going on within him between two wolves. One wolf is evil. He is anger and self righteousness, and pride. The other wolf is love, compassion and kindness. “Which one w...

                                            A very strange thing is happening. A couple of days ago I was in a meeting about our math curriculum and I wanted to reference Maria Montessori.   What I came up with was, “You know, that chick in Italy .”   Then to make matters worse I wanted to quote Pythagoras but the best I could do was, “The dead guy from a long time ago who lived in the place with blue water.”   Somehow Melinda managed to put math, blue water and a long time ago together and come up with his name.   A sugar hit from a couple of Pixi Stix helped, but not much.   I should have just shut up, but I didn’t and it didn’t get better. It’s not just happening at work either.   I was at a bluegrass jam not long ago and a young guitar player I had met once before came in. I knew everything about him, where he was from, what college he went...

   My ex husband used to say, “Always leave with a good taste in your mouth, Deb.”  There’s a lot of wisdom in that statement.  I knew it then and I know it now. I haven’t always been able to do it, heaven knows I’ve been known to pitch a fit or two, but mainly I make an effort for my own sake. When you leave with a good taste in your mouth you aren’t creating any more baggage to carry into the future. I’m trying to get rid of the baggage I’ve got. I don’t want to create any more.  Gratitude helps with that. It helps lighten the load, lighten the load and a whole lot more.     1Thessalonian 5:18 says “Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Jesus Christ.”   No matter what has happened in my life it is gratitude that has set me free and broken the barrier of fear that would hold me hostage to the past. It’s easier to be thankful when you are thankful, when you make it a daily habit. There are so many thing...

I needed help. I was up to my eyeballs in student projects and student conferences and if any more hands went up in the air I was going to start using them as a ring toss game.   “Help each other, help each other” fell on deaf ears. I called halt and explained that there were all kinds of experts in the room, not just me. I did not have a monopoly on anything.   Hard to believe, I know, but true none the less. I helped my students make a list of other students they could go to for help in a specific area.   Suddenly every eight year old in the room wanted to be on the expert list and they were not shy about it. They were very direct, “You didn’t put me on the expert list!”    One problem solved and another one created.   Luckily for me it was a problem that was easily and quickly solved otherwise I was going to have to suggest that they install a valium dispenser in the teacher’s lounge, an idea whose time as come by the way. We spent all of ten minutes pu...

    I had a busy day ahead of me last Thursday beginning with an early morning meeting with a mother whose son was going to be suspended and ending with a late night of music and a full day in between. The moment my feet hit the floor I was off and running and then I wasn’t. My normally smooth ride to work came to a grinding halt.   I was one of a string of early morning commuters on the steep curving on ramp to I20 that came to an abrupt stop in the rain. We didn’t slow down. We stopped. No one was moving period.  It was a little like being stuck on top of a Ferris wheel. None of us were going anywhere soon but the view was pretty if you took the time to notice it.  Five minutes passed, then ten. I called work, texted the teacher next to me so she would open up my classroom and then put on Red Haired Boy by Rani Arbo and Daisy Mayhem . It has some great licks I’ve been trying to learn and I wasn’t going anywhere.    Twenty minutes passed, I shut ...

    Last week a friend of mine committed suicide.   He was as good a guy as they come and I will miss him. I will miss his kindness and generosity. I will miss singing Hank Williams songs with him and seeing him smile across the circle.     I am grateful to know many men like him, good men, who are quiet, every day heroes. They do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do and expect nothing in return.   They’re the men who change a tire for a stranger, open doors for women, and make sure everyone in the circle gets a chance to shine.    They’re the men that chase down boats, show eager boaters the line at Five Falls and help because that’s who they are. They’re the guys who coach little league everything, cook pancakes for pancake suppers and build whatever needs built.     They don’t always get the credit they deserve and I know that too many of them suffer. They endure their sorrow alone and in silence with q...

      I have a friend who will never know how good he is for me. Whenever Revel shows up I get a little perk. He encourages my off brand sense of humor and creativity. In fact, not only does he encourage it, he usually has something interesting to contribute. He’s the reason I have a red kayak mailbox that stops traffic.   I’m getting ready to add a piece of art, something metal and circular that will go on the my fence behind a Japanese maple.   I’m leaning towards gears because I like their shapes but am keeping my eyes open. Revel suggested a line of Tibetan Prayer wheels below whatever ‘art’ I come up with.   See what I mean about a having something interesting to contribute?      I hadn’t realized that I needed a little burst of creativity until he came by.    Now, I have a skeleton coming out of my kayak mailbox with a broken paddle labeled property of River Styx Outdoor Center,   a skeleton sitting on a lawn chair w...

    “ There's a kind of a restless feeling and it catches you off guard ” Gordon Lightfoot .  I've been feeling like that this week, restless and ill at ease. River Daughter used to say,“Sometimes you just want to drive 90 miles an hour and do everything they tell you not to.”   She was 15 then and that pretty much sums it up.     Being disrespectful of that restless feeling and wanting to stomp it down will cause a grown woman to do all sorts of stupid ass things.   I know that because I’m a grown woman who’s done all sorts of stupid ass things.   And I don’t regret any of them for a minute, thank you very much, not even the drummers, and that’s saying something.        There are some women and not a few men who just can’t stand that itchy soul feeling that you get sometimes and before you know it they’re off on a reckless tear that will make someone cry for them.   They don’t give themselves time and space to l...

     Mostly I don’t pay much mind to what people say. I know that I am a little bit odd for some folks and I for sure march to the beat of a different drummer. Well maybe not drummer, if you know what I mean, a different beat for sure.  I know that not everyone is going like me anymore than I’m going to like them.  I have long accepted the fact that there will always be someone that I am too something for, too loud, too outspoken, too something.  It’s all part of the human experience. From a very young age I believed that being the best me I could be was the right thing to do. I just always trusted that God made me and that there must be something right with that even when there were people who didn’t think so.  And there were plenty of people who didn’t.    They thought that I should be more like them. That’s the core it.  Plenty of people wanted me to be like them rather I actually was or not.  That just never felt very loving to...

     “Claire Lynch has a great song, “Jealousy, oh jealousy, what a devil you must be. With your chains around my heart…”    I’m dying to sing it, I don’t actually want to experience it though but experience it is just what I what got to do.       Recess is a nice part of the day for students and teachers. Melinda and I take our third graders outside after lunch and we joke that the world needs to give itself recess.  The sun is shining and everywhere you look children are laughing and playing during a pause in the day. Most of the time one of us is grading papers or talking to kids. A couple of weeks ago she was grading papers, a math test her students had taken just before lunch.  Did I say grading, chortle with glee is more like it.  Her students had nailed a very difficult test and she was literally jumping up and down with joy.      I was almost happy for her. I wanted to be happy fo...

    “You don’t understand it’s hard not to be jealous when everyone has what you want and need.”    A number of possible responses came to mind after a friend hurled that statement in my direction. But, like an old gal once said, “If it’s not a question it doesn’t need an answer.”    Instead of saying anything I listened and said nothing. I’m not her momma.   Besides, you and I both know that there are times when people just aren’t going to listen.    I’ve certainly been one of those people. When I was dating Steve, a.k.a Drummer #1, people tried to tell me in not so nice words that they thought I was the village idiot for staying involved with him. (They honestly had a point.)   One woman, after listening to me complain about him for the hundred and third time said, “Listen to yourself, all he does is hurt you, why are you doing this to yourself!”   Everyone I knew had something to say about the situation I kept myself in, eve...

  I must have missed the memo that said it was Celebrate Complaining Week. Every where I turned someone was complaining about something.   This week my women friends complained about what jerks men were, a guy friend complained about his wife’s cooking, a friend called to complain that her boss reprimanded her for her attitude. I heard complaints about the weather, traffic, the lack of rain.   One woman I know casually didn’t even say hello before she launched into a litany of complaints. When I mentioned that how much complaining I was hearing this week she told me that people needed to vent and that it was normal.   I don’t think complaining is normal, maybe I’m wrong but if complaining is normal than normal is highly overrated. Actually I think normal is highly overrated, but let’s not go there. The thing about complaining is that it does absolutely no good. It doesn’t even feel good. What it is does is feed the discontent that lurks below the surface.   Onc...

     Revel thinks I’m spoiled. “No matter where you go people help you and do things for you. I don’t get it.”    It’s true, people are mostly nice to me and I’m mostly nice to them. This is especially true on the river. People on the river are just nice. That’s why I like it there, well, one of the reasons anyway. There are other reasons but the people have a lot to do with it. But Revel is wrong, not everyone is nice to me. Hard to understand, I know, but, take Andy for example.    If Andy is at a jam where I am I can usually count on him being snotty at least once, if not down right mean.  At least I used to be able to count on it. Andy, who has been an annoying asshole for five years, is out of the blue and unexpectedly, being nice to me. He complimented me on a song I sang and loaned me his tuner. He almost smiled at me. Small things I know, but completely out of character with the Andy I've grown to know and tolerate. Then there’s ...

       I wrote a blog called Tiltling at Windmills that basically said, “Stop fighting battles that don’t need to be fought.”   Some times I’m just along for the ride here and that was one of those times. I recognized the wisdom of what I wrote. I knew it was the right thing to do but there was a part of me that protested ever so slightly. I wanted to sputter “But, but, but, if I don’t do it, who will?”   Raise your hand if you have ever had that thought flicker across your heart. Come on, get those hands up. Be honest.   The beliefs that I grew up with and have defined who I think I am up to now were being challenged by my inner guidance, which I mostly trust. I know that at my age I should trust it but I’m me and there are times when I get guidance and my reaction is “You want to me to do what?? Seriously! I don’t think so.”   I know that it doesn’t make sense to argue with God but it’s honest and I decided a long time ago that if I was going...

  Setting limits is one of the best things we can do for ourselves and each other. It is an act of love. Setting limits means saying, no. No is a complete sentence. Try that on for size. “No.”   But, I’m a woman and that means that sometimes I don’t say no when I should.   I say “No, because____”   I say, “Fine,” with an exasperated sigh.   I say all the things women say when they want to say no, when they should say no and don’t.   I’m pretty good at saying no. Sometimes I say it just to say and because it makes my students laugh.   “Can we go to recess?”   “NO!” “Can we sit on the rug?” “NO!” “Can we do math?” “NO!” “Can we do our homework?” “NO!”   A few minutes of this and we all laugh and then we go to the rug and out to recess and they do math.   Anything for a cheap laugh, it’s the secret to my success, that and a song for any occasion.       I don’t say no when I should some times because I’m tired, have ...

    I work with a number of women who are ten and twenty years younger than me.   They add a nice counterpoint to my life, a sweet to my salty.   They keep me honest and make me laugh.   They also remind me why I have a refrigerator magnet that reads, “Honey, you couldn’t pay me to be twenty again.”    Some times they make me crazy, all I can do is shake my head and bite my tongue.   Occasionally their lack of respect makes me want to smack them into next week.   When that happens I throttle back and regroup because I know that my irritation says more about me than them.     Mostly I like their perspective of things even when you can’t tell them a dang thing. The biggest difference I see between our generations is that they aren’t fighting anything. They aren’t tilting at windmills . Women of my generation were the generation of change.   We were part of the woman’s movement, the peace moment and the civil rights movement...

   Are my efforts motivated by love or are they motivated by fear? I had one or two opportunities to ask myself that question this week. And by one or two I mean three or four…or five.    The question itself was all it took to bring me back to center, that calm lovely state of love that is becoming more familiar with each passing day.   I like it.   I like it a whole lot more than fear. And fear has become so prevalent that it passes for normal. It’s not normal. Are you getting that? Fear is not normal. Negativity is not normal.  It’s either fear or love, baby, and it's your choice.       An interesting thing happens when I am in the state of love.   I do less and accomplish more. I am inspired, and know the exactly the right thing to do.   Whatever I need to accomplish is better, more productive, and more fun.     Deepak Chopra   refers to the “The Law of Least Effort.”        ...

    Take care of your self is number eight of my top ten ways to eliminate negativity. I am more apt to believe the lies of negativity when I am run down or sick.   Yes, that’s right, I said, negativity is lies. Denial, complaining, critical judgments, unpleasantness, malicious thoughts and words, all negative, all lies. My life runs better without it. I’m happier and that is reason enough to keep it out of my life.   And reason enough to take care of myself.                                               Ten Ways to Take Care of Number One      Start and end the day with God in silence and prayer. You are not your body. You are not your life. You are not your thoughts. You are a precious child of God. Take time to remember th...